"What do you plan to do with your one, wild, precious life?" -Mary Oliver

Friday, February 26, 2010

Flash 55 Friday

THE DETOUR

Signs led us off the road we knew
and pot holes sprang up like curious prairie dogs.
Shacks and crooked trailers dotted the road
and the car quieted.
Our children in the back were suddenly paying attention.
We’d crossed a border without guards
and entered a country where people sit on porches
and don’t wave.


If you can tell a story in 55 words let the G-Man know. He's the F-55 moderator, and you can check out the history of Flash 55 from his website and challenge yourself.

17 comments:

She Writes said...

I'm betting you were in the South.

Alicia said...

Oh my...yes, like "She Writes," I'm trying to guess the location. Powerful last line.

Alicia said...

Oh, and

here's mine

Andrea Cremer said...

Shivers. Lovely 55 Yvonne!

Titanium said...

Sitting on the porch and not waving to kids ought to be a prosecutable offense.

Your poem, however... just beautiful. Oh, and the internal intercostals cramping? It's real.

Holding my breath for too long, especially while rolling my whitewater kayak, can cause my entire ribcage to seize up. I took a deep breath yesterday, felt the pain blow a circle around my chest and thought of my daughter: my 55 was born.

Mona said...

Sounds eerie!

Nisa said...

That was a very vivid story. I loved it!

Brian Miller said...

what a cool 55...made me think of sunday afternoon car rides, seeing scrunched up faces staring back from front porches...nice.

my 55 is up!

catwoods said...

Wonderfully done! I know exactly what you mean by the invisible line between warm hospitality and cool indifference. You did a great job of portraying that in so few words.

Suzanne Casamento said...

I love the line about the border without guards. I can totally feel the change in tone in the car. Awesome!

Jemi Fraser said...

Great visuals :)

Buzzard said...

Unfortunately this detour could be anywhere in our great country. As an extensive wanderer of many years. I have been there all across the country. Well written.

The Loft

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

Oh my. That's wonderful, especially the border without guards.
This stands alone but could be a scene in a short or long work of fiction as well.

Yvonne said...

Thanks guys. Yes, the South, right here in the USA. But it felt like crossing into El Salvador.

g-man said...

Yvonne...
This is a Great 55!!
You've perfectly captured the essence of the format...WOW!
Thanks for this wonderful treat, and have a Kick Ass Week-End...G

Yvonne said...

G-Man,
Thank you very much!!

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