THE DETOUR
Signs led us off the road we knew
and pot holes sprang up like curious prairie dogs.
Shacks and crooked trailers dotted the road
and the car quieted.
Our children in the back were suddenly paying attention.
We’d crossed a border without guards
and entered a country where people sit on porches
and don’t wave.
If you can tell a story in 55 words let the G-Man know. He's the F-55 moderator, and you can check out the history of Flash 55 from his website and challenge yourself.
16 comments:
I'm betting you were in the South.
Oh my...yes, like "She Writes," I'm trying to guess the location. Powerful last line.
Oh, and
here's mine
Shivers. Lovely 55 Yvonne!
Sitting on the porch and not waving to kids ought to be a prosecutable offense.
Your poem, however... just beautiful. Oh, and the internal intercostals cramping? It's real.
Holding my breath for too long, especially while rolling my whitewater kayak, can cause my entire ribcage to seize up. I took a deep breath yesterday, felt the pain blow a circle around my chest and thought of my daughter: my 55 was born.
Sounds eerie!
That was a very vivid story. I loved it!
what a cool 55...made me think of sunday afternoon car rides, seeing scrunched up faces staring back from front porches...nice.
my 55 is up!
Wonderfully done! I know exactly what you mean by the invisible line between warm hospitality and cool indifference. You did a great job of portraying that in so few words.
I love the line about the border without guards. I can totally feel the change in tone in the car. Awesome!
Great visuals :)
Unfortunately this detour could be anywhere in our great country. As an extensive wanderer of many years. I have been there all across the country. Well written.
The Loft
Oh my. That's wonderful, especially the border without guards.
This stands alone but could be a scene in a short or long work of fiction as well.
Thanks guys. Yes, the South, right here in the USA. But it felt like crossing into El Salvador.
Yvonne...
This is a Great 55!!
You've perfectly captured the essence of the format...WOW!
Thanks for this wonderful treat, and have a Kick Ass Week-End...G
G-Man,
Thank you very much!!
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