The
tavern’s dark interior is refuge from the heat
that
blankets the city in a migraine aura.
The
top-shelf bottles are lined up like dancers
in
lusty green skirts and amber hues.
The
bartender blows foam from a pour
and
our eyes meet in the mirror behind the bar.
Chunks of frost
slide off my mug
like a glacier
sliding into the sea.
I
catch some with my tongue
as he
wipes the bar with his towel.
An
aquarium sits in the center of the backbar
and
piranha sweep the perimeter with empty eyes.
Condensation
drips off the bottom of the tank
and
I wonder what he feeds them.
Music
spills out of the back corner
where
a barefoot stranger with a guitar
sits
in a pool of light in front of a fan.
The
room is a turntable
and
the ceiling fan whiffs the nape
of
my neck with a reminiscent chill—
wool scarves and galoshes
snowmen with black
button eyes.
The
bartender flips a lock of hair off his brow
eyebrows
etched in surprise, as if I’d spoken aloud.
A
careless flip-flop dangles off my toe
like
the towel he tosses to and fro.
The
dancefloor is chalky with sawdust
and
the musician strums a lick
that
will repeat in my head
like
circling piranhas in an endless loop.
The
room is an ocean, salt on our lips,
piranha
swimming free.
Joining the open link party at dVerse for beer and company along with the poets at What's Going On? who are asking "How's the Weather?" They are calling all poets who blog, so how could I stay home?
19 comments:
You wrote this so well, I could see it, like a well done painting. The piranha circling with empty eyes haunts me...such an unnatural existence........The dimness feels like a good escape from the heat outside, which sounds oppressive. I like the description of it blanketing the city in a migraine aura. Excellent. I LOVE "the room is an ocean, salt on our lips, piranha swimming free."
What Sherry said. The last line made me wonder.
This scebe with a bar seeming like a refuge from the outside, I really love those vivid condensation details.
Your poem is so intense, Yvonne, it made me hold my breath, especially the description of ‘heat that blankets the city in a migraine aura’ – I can imagine the darkness of the bar as a refuge. I love the top-shelf bottles ‘lined up like dancers in lusty green skirts and amber hues’. The aquarium with piranha that ‘sweep the perimeter with empty eyes’ is very sinister. My favourite lines:
‘…the ceiling fan whiffs the nape
of my neck with a reminiscent chill—
wool scarves and galoshes
snowmen with black button eyes.’
You certainly have taken me there Yvonne - with rich descriptive writing. I kinda like the spiky ending too with the notion of the piranhas introduced. Bravo!
A fantastic poem which left me feeling that I too had been inside experiencing that surreal atmosphere.
Vivid in description and a refuge from the world outside:)
You really created a vivid word picture here, so many details that made me see the scene and experience all that was going on. So real. I especially loved "piranha sweep the perimeter with empty eyes." Thanks for joining in over at "What's Going On?"
Mary,
thank you for conmenting. I'm glad you liked it (those piranhas are true) and it's nice to join in at the new poet's blog.
Eileen
Thanks!!
Scott.
Thank you!! I'm glad you liked that spiky ending, rather what I was trying to achieve.
Kim,
I'm glad you mentioned those lines as I was trying to allude to time past where such was possible. Thank you!
Brudberg,
Ah, yes, the frosted mugs. They never give us enough napkins but I love it just the same. Thanks!!
Pretu,
Thank you. Yup, I was reaching for the surreal, leaving it open-ended. I'm glad you liked it.
Sherry,
Thank you, and thanks for helping to start this new place for poets to exchange ideas and feedback. Your enviromental activism is contagious.
This is such an acutely observed scene of the details of reality which then takes us to such an expansive metaphor - and such an appropriate offering for a Poets Pub...
So much unsaid, and the last line that hints at even more!
I won't repeat what everyone else says about the power and imaginative imagery you use. Let me just say that for me you evoke the environment of constant danger of the weather urgencies. The planet lets loose an amazing variety of piranha, though we made the environment ripe for them. I LOVE your poem!
Frewin,
Thank you so much. I thought it might fit at the pub!
Jane,
Thank you. I appreciate your commenting!
Susan,
I was striving to create that sense of forboding so thank you for your comment.
Starts off SO strong with "The top-shelf bottles are lined up like dancers
in lusty green skirts and amber hues." and you continue with so many wonderful images. It was a pleasure reading this!
The picture you've painted is so very gripping! Every word has a scene! Music is spilling out in a space where piranhas circling in an endless loop. This is the world indeed when most people seem to be unaware of the danger surrounding them.
The imagery in your words is so wonderful. Sketching out everything now in my head.
Yvonne, you mesmerized me with your poem. So well done!
p.s. this is Lisa from tao-talk, using my blogger account to comment
Ms. Lili
Hi and thanks so much for commenting!
Tony
That is a huge compliment coming from you! Thanks
Sumana,
Thanks, those piranhas have a life of their own don't they? A very unattractive scary fish.
Margaret,
Thank you so much. I'm pleased you liked it.
Your use of imagery in this piece was unique - the piranhas were unexpected. It made me wonder if it was better to be inside or outside in the heat?
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