The fires took four houses down last night,
They’re miles away, we’re safe, you set me right
The darkling sky looks like a storm to me.
But still I watch the sky above our game.
You made a triple word score with a Z
and remind me where we are; it’ll never rain.
People have to have some place to stay—
desert rats without the sense to flee
and water is cheap pumped in from far away
to here where fires feed on the dead and leap the pass.
No looming thunderstorm those kites of black.
You remind me where we are; it’ll never rain.
The fires took four more houses down last night.
The one-eyed bird sings
plaintive song from blackened stumps
on the clear-cut plain.
Today it's Haibun Monday at dVerse with a seasonal topic of fear. And over at Earthweal, a challenge approaching Samhein, clebrating that Day of the Dead. Let's!
17 comments:
Yvonne,
Powerful haibun on the fragility of drought-struck environs: the repetition of homes destroyed expresses the threatening fear, its oppressive quality, especially the omen-like "one-eyed" bird. Well done.
pax,
dora
Oh man, so unnerving! Deeply dark and dreadfully strange. Well written!
So enjoyed. Wonderful imagery and mood.
I like the title hook first of all and then the first line that gets repeated further down. The repetition is perfect. What fear indeed, those fires.
And I like all that came next too.
…but the protagonist and family are safe— Miles away, the protagonist’s partner assures ‘her.’
But what IF? Would they have water at the ready, IF God forbid … they are too far out from the water source. How frightening this is.
Might you be comparing desert rats to them? Good gracious that is a scary similarity to allude to.
The one eyed bird sings though and so that gives an omen-like sense of normalcy.
Wow, Yvonne, you packed a lot in such few words. Amazing. Thanks for sharing. Love it.
Oh, the fear of encroaching fire! You capture it so well in this poetic haibun!
Dora,
Thank you. I've not had a lot of exposure to haibun so wasn't sure this even worked.
Ron,
Thanks so much! That's the mood I was in.
Tony,
Thanks, as always. Your unflagging interest and support means a lot.
Selma,
Thank you! I like to use repetition when I think it works. Yes, I certainly meant the desert rat comparison. I sometimes think that's all we are here on earth. What if, indeed. Thanks again.
Frank,
Thanks and thank you for the inspiring post and opportunity to explore both haibun and haiku from one so experienced in both.
Living at the edge of drought and fire ... terrifying. We know. Your Haibun is beautifully composed and appropriately chilling.
It looks like my comment disappeared. I loved this read, the repeated lines are so powerful. I adore the haiku with its one-eyed bird. So well done. Congrats on the book contract. That is wonderful!
Those final three lines are encompass so well the darkness that lingers over all of your words.
This is a true horror story, and one that I keep trying to tell myself, to get the message out, even though I'm more likely at risk from flood than fire where I am. We can't ignore it for much longer.
The repetition works so well here, and I love the way you switch from domestic comfort to the overwhelming power of the wild.
This is frightening. You capture the mood so well.
This feels so very real. Those fires seem to be more and more common... sometimes I wonder if there is nothing left to burn
This has a chilling vibe -- the monstrous natural grows close as we continue to poke it with carbons. And closer. The haibun nails it.
Thanks Helen!!!
Sherry,
Thank you! And thanks especially for the congrats.
Kerfe,
Thank you kindly!
Ingrid,
We are more at risk of flood than fire here as well. Either is terrifying. And coming for us.
Sarah,
Thank you. This is a true story. We played scrabble at my sister's while the black clouds loomed in the distance. I'll never forget it.
Myrna,
Thank you so much!
Brudberg,
I've wondered the same. Thanks.
Brendan,
Thank you. Yes, we poke and poke in our ignorance, expecting the bear to never react.
Very powerful. We were seeing smoke from fires both here in Colorado and from California all summer. I don't know how anyone can fail to be spooked by what is happening to the world we live in.
Ornery Owl,
Hello and thank you for commenting!! We had hazy skies half the summer from the CO fires.
Post a Comment